NAKED AND UNASHAMED By Blessing Peter Titus

I read a story on Facebook where a wife was crying out for help—her husband of 10 years was asking for a divorce. According to her, they had a good marriage with little or no conflict and 3 children to show for it. Trouble sprang up when they recently had a conversation about some things they had done before getting married. Apparently, her husband was unaware that she had aborted thrice, and that information changed his view of her, making him decide that he didn’t want the marriage anymore.

The story left me confused because I couldn’t understand how her husband was just finding that out; like, what were they doing while they dated? Didn’t they talk about their past, present, and future plans? How did they survive 10 years in marriage if they didn’t even know the basics about each other? Could we even call that a marriage? When they still have secrets unknown to the other person?

As I shared the story and my thoughts with Uwam, he laughed, that laugh he usually laughs before we have a long talk. He said it was easy for me to say such things because I hadn’t secrets; things that make me want to bury my face in the mud for the rest of my life. Things that you’d look back at and wonder at the level of foolishness at which you’d operated at, at a time in your life. Things that you’d never want to recall, let alone recount to another human. Things that make your stomach turn, and your heart break.

But I still couldn’t understand. I quoted Genesis 2:25, “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence.” Wasn’t that what marriage was meant to be? That you’re sure to have this one person, your husband or wife, who you could share all the minute details of your life with? The one in whose arms you’d find solace, where the cares of the world pale, and even if everyone else shouts, “crucify him/her,” he/she would shout, “no.” The one whose dreams become yours too, as you push each other daily to achieve them. Whose pains you share, comforting and encouraging them to seek healing. Whose wins you sing and dance to, because you were part of the sacrifices and processes that birthed the results.

Uwam laughed again. He said I had idealistic ideas about everything in life, without leaving room for the nuances that come with one’s nature and nurture. But for me, it wasn’t me being idealistic, it was me being the Christian I’d grown into; taking God for His words and applying them as best as I can in my daily life.

Uwam told me that it took him time to open his life to me, because he felt it would change the way I saw him, or worse, make me leave. He took me back to the woman’s story to buttress his point, that some secrets, you die with, not because you don’t want to lift their weight off your chest, but because time and experiences have thought you, that no one hears that detail about you and stays the same; they either leave or blackmail you with it, for the rest of your life.

As I sat in contemplation, the cry of my heart was, Father, restore marriages, so that spouses can be naked and unashamed with each other. Amen